Even fans have learned to approach movies taken from Stephen King novels with some trepidation. There's a sadly dispiriting track record for these adaptations — they usually stink.
For every "Dead Zone" or "Misery" or "Carrie" we get several on the level of "The Lawnmower Man" or "Maximum Overdrive" or "Children of the Corn" (and sometimes unrelated sequels).
There is also a fundamental rule to apply before going to these pictures — beware of any movie with King's name in the title ("Stephen King's Silver Bullet," "Stephen King's Sleepwalkers," etc.). Consider it a warning label.
So here comes "Stephen King's Thinner." And "Thinner" wasn't even a Stephen King book! It was written under King's pseudonym Richard Bachman (though the Bachman name is nowhere to be found; can "Stephen King's Regulators" be far off?).
The story focuses on a 300-pound attorney named Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke), who has an enormous appetite and no will power, and whose ethics are questionable at best.
Billy's slender wife Heidi (Lucinda Jenney) is trying to help him diet, to little avail.
In the courtroom, Billy is defending a small-time mobster named Richie Ginelli (Joe Mantegna), who is charged with attempted murder. And when he gets him off, Richie promises to be there for anything Billy might need in the future.
On their way home from a celebration dinner, where Billy has been pigging out once again, Heidi chides him, then becomes sexually aggressive in the car. This causes Billy to become distracted, resulting in his accidently running down an old Gypsy woman.
When the bigoted local judge and the intimidated police chief conspire to keep Billy from being held responsible for the incident, the Gypsy's 100-year-old father (Michael Constantine) steps up. He touches Billy's face and says, "Thinner."
As a result, Billy begins losing weight — far too rapidly — until he is merely an emaciated ghost of his former self.
So he calls in his favor from Richie, who tries to force the old Gypsy to lift the curse.
Casting a relatively unknown actor in the lead role was a good idea, and Robert John Burke certainly fits the bill (he had prominent roles in "Fled," a couple of Hal Hartley's independent productions and starred in "RoboCop III"
.
And some audience members may actually think he's an overweight actor as the film begins — though he's really wearing a "fat suit" and tons of makeup.
As an actor, however, Burke is awfully stiff, and to get him to lighten up a bit, screenwriter-director Tom Holland ("Child's Play," "Fright Night"
extracts a campy, over-the-top performance. In fact, Holland tries for a deadpan humorous approach through much of the film but never really pulls it off.
Instead, "Thinner" just plays out as dumb. And it doesn't help that Holland skims over characterizations, flits past plot points and doesn't develop much of anything.
This is particularly problematic with Burke's character, who isn't particularly sympathetic to begin with. But late in the film, as he decides that his "Thinner" problem is all his wife's fault and begins to imagine that she is having an affair with his doctor, he really loses sympathy points by plotting to get revenge. But is she really having an affair? Maybe, but it remains unclear as the film wraps up.
There are some enjoyable performances here — from Constantine, who seems to be having fun under his aged makeup; Joy Lentz, who is exuberant as Billy and Heidi's daughter; and especially Kari Wuhrer, who handily steals the show as a firebrand Gypsy.
But the ethnic stereotypes are unpleasant — neither Gypsies nor Italians will appreciate this one.
And worst of all, the film isn't scary and it isn't funny.
What it is, is dull.
Even King himself — in a cameo as a pharmacist named Bangor (an in-joke from the Maine resident)- seems bored by it all.
